Bottom Of The Eighth.
“We hang the petty thieves
and appoint the great ones to public office.” -
Aesop
George W. Bush has, unsurprisingly to those of us who
survived his governorship of Texas, proved
to be not just ineffectual as a President but catastrophic
as well. It's too bad he's not still running
the Texas Rangers, but if he were:
• The stands would be filled with those under contract to
Halliburton, KBR or Blackwater, and they'd be paid $100,000
to be there.
• The minimum-wage employees doing all the dirty work would
never be allowed to leave the stadium.
• Hot dogs would be made in China and only cost a quarter
each but they'd be stuffed with lawn clippings and construction
debris.
• The
price of nacho cheese would skyrocket to $200 a barrel.
• The entire home team would be standing in deep left field
while the opponents, the Middle East All-Stars, would be
allowed to
run the bases ceaselessly.
• Though never at bat, the Rangers would never be behind
in the score, at least according to the official scoreboard,
the
official
announcer
and Fox
News.
• Random fans of the visiting team would be "not tortured"
just to keep up morale.
• The tarp would be brought out to cover the field three
days after the rains had passed.
• Thursdays would be Free Shotgun Night.
• The nearby Six Flags Over Texas would be destroyed when
struck by a pair of speeding Trailways buses filled with
cheerleaders from the Big East conference. The next day
all of the current and former Yale mascots would be hastily
whisked out
of the country.
• And when the Rangers finally made it to the World Series,
Bush would go on vacation at the ranch because, you know,
ya gotta clear that brush.
=mike=
|
