"Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans! No
more merciful beheadings! And call off Christmas!" - The
Sheriff of Nottingham
Curmudgeon Alert! Level seven dudgeon expected. Be prepared
to take shelter at nearby LOLcat facility.)
need to stop celebrating Xmas every year. Here's why:
(1) If you need a holiday as an excuse to get together with
your family, then you're doing it wrong.
(2) We shouldn't have to rely on Xmas to put stores
in the financial black. With no Xmas, shopping patterns would
more equally stabilize through the year, putting less strain
manufacturing and delivery. Fewer Billy Bass and
Fart Machines (Pet. Pend.) would help the environment, too.
(3) If the holiday is so effective at driving the economy
then we should celebrate Jesus' birth all year long. If we
don't, we're fools.
(4) What most people forget was that the original celebratory
event at the end of the year, before
the Church moved in and appropriated 12-25, was the winter
It commemorated the return of the sun and that, unlike Christ,
definitely returns every year. No presents required, just
lots of drinking and dancing.
(5) Let's celebrate the holiday, along with all the other
similar heathen rites, once every four years, breaking them
up evenly along the way.
Christmas the first year, Hannukah the second, whatever
the hell Muslims do on the third year and Kwanzaa on the
fourth year, just for laughs.
(6) Every four years you can expect a SERIOUS-ass present!
While I'm being needlessly unpleasant, quit celebrating Valentines
Day, you fools. Instead, party hearty on the anniversary
or the day
you first met your beloved.
Make your celebration as individual as your love. Quit whoring
your affections for the benefit of the tiramisu industry.
It's not a special occasion if everyone is celebrating the
same thing at the same time. Right?
If we don't stop this nonsense eventually almost every day
wil be a federally recognized holiday. Then we'll need to
have holidays from our holidays.
Santa/Rudolph in 2012!
Deity Death Watch: God just killed
287 people in Italy because they weren't pious enough. Way
teach 'em a lesson, Lord!
PS, Racist Asshole.