Right; "Remain Silent".
the Supreme Court bestowed personhood upon companies.
As much as you love or hate the iPad, Apple Inc. can now
smuggle endangered geckos, have sex in airplane bathrooms,
dance the macarena and/or develop cancer of the prostate
In a judgment that had nothing whatsoever to do with the
case itself (Yes, you heard right) the four Republican-appointed
Supreme Court judges plus Steppin Fetchit, I mean Clarence
jumped the legal trolley and declared
all future elections are
too valuable for the people to decide.
The new rules are that all companies,
even if they're multinational corporations run by, oh, let's
say France, can spend all the money they want in order to
influence future elections.
As. Much. As. They. Want.
Keep in mind that the average cost to win a senate seat is "only" about
$8 million dollars these days, literally a rounding error
bill for companies like Exxon.
What this means is the two-party system is gone, replaced
by the Corporate Party system. Soon we'll be served in Washington
by Shellocrats, Microsoftonians and Wal-Martians.
The bigger companies, the banks and oil businesses, will
get the senators while the lesser entities of the Fortune
will get their picking of the House of Representatives.
Locally, state representatives will be bought and sold
by used car companies, dry cleaners and fundamentalist churches.
Meanwhile, say goodbye to stimulating candidate debates
as from here on as each contender will run on a plank of "I
promise to represent (fill-in-the-name-of-company-here) to
of my avaricious
obsequity and the rest of you mewling worms can go
kiss my well-funded tookus."
Publicly-funded candidates? Fahgeddaboudit. They'll
be so hopelessly outspent by their corporate-funded opponents
they might as well be using bright shiny beads.
And get used to voting for white men only, like forever,
as oligarchs have no
for women or, God forbid, brown
people representing them. All they need is the
poor, and only to the extent that
actual work, fighting the wars, paying the taxes.
I'm exaggerating only slightly here because, in truth, corporations
have been buying senators for years.
Hi, McCain. Hi, basically anyone with an "R" after
There is an answer to this problem but you've been patient
enough today so I will proffer my solution come Monday.
a great weekend everybody, except you Chief
Justice John Roberts. I hope you get a painful boil on your dick. And
then I hope
your dick falls off. And then I hope they sew it back on
with a rusty needle so that it not only becomes infected
but putrefies in a way that makes you vomit blood every
time you jerk off to naked pictures of Timothy McVeigh.