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O Yuletide Tree, O Yuletide Tree...

flaming treeThe custom of chopping down innocent evergreen trees and plunking them in our living rooms originates from a time long before we made up a bunch of myths about a guy named Jesus. Many ancient societies ritually employed branches or, in fact, whole evergreen trees to celebrate the winter solstice. A plant that didn't die in winter must have certainly seemed magical to our ancient forebears.

The German people began using evergreen trees in celebration of the Christmastime around the mid-1500s, about the time Martin Luther thought to famously decorate them with candles. The tradition of the Christmas tree was brought to America in the early 1600s but the Puritans punished those they caught dabbling in such pagan traditions. Laws against such decorations remained on the books until the 1800s.

Christmas trees finally became fashionable when Queen Victoria and her family were illustrated standing around their tree in 1846. Not only did every proper English home suddenly need a tree but the custom quickly spread to the fashion-conscious east coast of the Americas.

When you think about it we could just as easily have a Christmas rock or a Christmas bucket full of Christmas fish in our living rooms to help take our minds off the ever-shortening days. But trees aren't so bad. At least they don't catch fire and kill us in our sleep as often as they used to.

Praise Jebus!

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You know what the greatest waste of money of all time is aside from Mitt Romney's campaign ads? Ads for The Hobbit movie. That's because anyone who plans on seeing it already had the date tattooed onto their corneas months ago.


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covenenant houseEvery day in this country young adults are forced into the streets with no place to go and little to eat. Luckily for them there's places like Covenant House. It not only meets the immediate needs of homeless kids but also helps guide them to a self-sufficient future.

So if you have a few bucks left over after buying Aunt Thelma that new snood please consider making a small holiday donation to this worthy organization. Thanks!

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Uncle Lefty's Saturnalian Shopping Tips

Looking for that special example of commercial excess to impress the jaded kin on your Xmas list? Well, howzabout one of these?


testicle self-exam modelTesticle Self-Exam Model

I briefly considered purposely aggravating everyone and making this another Mystery Item but it's just TOO MUCH FUN to say "testicle self-exam" in front of a mixed audience.

And if you think that's in questionable taste, you should read the comments about this thing on amazon. You might imagine it's nothing but a parade of puns on the word "nuts", but you'd be wrong, pilgrim.

So, anyway, they make these. Three guesses what that little pink thing is. (Go on guess!) The description states that it can be washed with soap and water but I nervously ponder what you might do to actually get it dirty.

Anyway, greatest gift for your grandmother EVER. Just don't tell her what it is.

=Lefty=

end rant

Republican Job Creation Update

republican job creation11-30-12: The House passed H.R. 6429, "To amend the Immigration and Nationality Act to promote innovation, investment, and research in the United States, to eliminate the diversity immigrant program, and for other purposes." No jobs were created.

For the full list of Republican sloth please visit republicanjobcreation.com.

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Today's Chart of the Day: Percentage of GDP assumed by total Medicare Spending

medicare vs. GDP


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Today's Google Chow.


Two female Christmas trees, one decked to the halls, one plain, both waiting for a bus.
Plain tree: "Whore."






Overturn Citizens United